


A Little Infatuation

by writesometimes



Series: Crush [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fools in Love, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writesometimes/pseuds/writesometimes
Summary: Carisi knew he could also blame his exasperation on the... complicated feelings he'd been having about a certain ADA lately, but he didn't want to go there. Not yet anyway.





	A Little Infatuation

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically a follow up to ["A Little Crush"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13308894/) but could be read as a stand alone piece as well.

Carisi drained the coffee from his to-go cup and tossed it in the waste bin near his desk. It was his fourth coffee that day and he knew it was only going to make him jittery, but he needed the caffeine. The case of a teenage girl who'd died while in the care of a high-end rehab facility was proving to be very frustrating for the squad, and he was feeling run down from it all. Carisi knew he could also blame his exasperation on the... complicated feelings he'd been having about a _certain_  ADA lately, but he didn't want to go there. Not yet anyway. There would be time to think about his feelings when he'd finished his job and seen the case closed.

He nodded at Rollins, who was lingering around Olivia's door, and joined her. They were going to have to go in at some point and brief their lieutenant on the progress, or lack thereof, that they'd made on the case. Carisi walked confidently through the door, eager to just get it over with and back to work. He faltered a moment when a voice spoke up from the back of Olivia's office.

"What are you, a bat?" Barba questioned, laughing mildly.

Carisi didn't know how to respond. The last thing he'd wanted that day was to run into the ADA. He wasn't sure he could keep his cool around the man at the moment. His heart sped up while his mind slammed on the brakes.

"What?" he barked in mild confusion. It wasn't his most elegant moment, but his brain and mouth wouldn't work together to respond to the man who he was currently having a mild crisis over. He didn't even glance over at the man, knowing he'd turn a violent shade of red if he did and his current locale was not ideal for having a meltdown over his crush.

Barba was far from the first man he'd _felt things_  for, but he was the first man he'd felt things for at work. And that complicated everything to a degree the detective wasn't ready to confront at the time. He swiped his sweaty palms on his slacks and hoped no one noticed.

Olivia glanced from Carisi to Barba in confusion and the detective said a silent prayer that she wasn't putting the pieces together. He didn't think he could survive a heart to heart with his lieutenant about his _feelings_. So he ignored the flurry in his chest and focused on their case.

When Carisi finally did turn to face Barba and address him, he was gruffer than he'd wanted to be. "Come on, Counselor, pull one of those rabbits outta your hat." He winced internally.

He, more than most other detectives, knew there was only so much Barba could do. Sometimes there wasn't much the court system could do even when the police _knew_  something was wrong. It only made him want to work harder, do better. But at the time that desire was just making him cranky.

At last, he breezed out of Olivia's office and returned to his desk. Rollins asked if he wanted to join her on yet another interview and he shook his head. "I'm gonna get a head start on some of this paperwork."

Rollins shrugged and headed back to Olivia's office to conduct the interview with her instead. Carisi let out a deep sigh and got to work. Cases weren't going to slow down for him while he pined over Rafael Barba.

* * *

The trip to West Virginia should have been a reprieve of sorts for Carisi. A chance to apprehend their suspect and get the hell out of New York for a little bit. Things had gone easily enough with the local police and they'd gotten their catfisher without incident, something he should have been relieved about.

But later, at a bar with Rollins and a local officer, he had nothing but down time to think over what troubled him. And how much he actually missed Barba's smart little remarks to everything he had to say. The way the man could figure out a legal strategy in a matter of minutes. His colorful and tasteful suits. Carisi sighed, resigned to spending his night moping over the ADA.

Things suddenly took a turn in the little bar and before Carisi knew what was truly going on, he was being swung on by a drunk bar patron. Somehow it seemed fitting to the detective. Of course, even off-duty and out-of-state, there was no rest.

Rollins of course jumped in to help her partner out and the two fought for control of the situation, quite literally. Carisi couldn't help but chuckle a bit as he looked over, vision blurry from the numerous beers, and saw Rollins ducking a drunk of her own.

Eventually, the two gained control of the situation and exited the bar, a little sorer than they anticipated but otherwise fine. Carisi walked Rollins to her door and lingered. The cool air and darkness of the night, coupled with the liquor flowing through his veins and the adrenaline of the fight, made Carisi feel bolder than usual.

"You know, there's somethin' nice about not havin' to always act like a cop," he said, looking about the deserted parking lot around them.

Rollins laughed and reached for the door of her motel room. Her bright smile and easy laughter put him even more at ease. Maybe he could open up to her, right then in that moment, and not worry about it being unprofessional. They _had_  just escaped a bar fight after all. Maybe tonight was finally good time to vent about his feelings for Barba.

"You're a helluva partner," he slurred a bit as he leaned in closer, wide grin on his face. He could open up to her, Rollins was his friend. He needed to talk to _someone_  before his feelings consumed him. "You've got my back and... I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Not just tonight."

The cautious look on Rollins' face made him falter. Did she think he was... making a move? Was he making a move? His head felt fuzzy and his tongue still tasted like beer and he wanted to tell her how amazing he thought Barba was, but she was so close and warm and smiling and he couldn't get his thoughts organized. He wasn't sure what he was doing.

Rollins moved and turned away from him slightly, patting him gently on the shoulder. "I'm beat," she mumbled as she reached for the doorknob.

Carisi chuckled nervously. "Yeah, yeah. I should--" he hooked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of his own motel room.

Rollins nodded and made her way inside her room, leaving Carisi to make his way to his own room. He took a deep breath and shook his head. He just wanted to sink into a mattress and forget the night had ever happened.

The next morning he figured he'd pick up some donuts for him and Rollins as a peace offering. He wasn't sure how things had gotten so awkward last night but he just wanted everything to go back to normal. He called Olivia as he was making his way back to the motel to let her know where they were with the case.

"Tell Rafael not to worry about extradition, Heather waived her hearing. Because she wants to come to New York," he explained into his cell. He stopped for a moment as he exited the small diner across from the motel, realizing what he'd just said. _Rafael_. He never called the ADA by his first name. He held his breath a moment and waited for Olivia to say something. She just continued talking about their case and he let out a sigh of relief.

It was then he caught sight of the bartender from the night before leaving Rollins' room. Strange jealousy flooded his chest and he couldn't move. He knew it was childish, Rollins was a grown woman, but it wasn't fair. _He_  should have spent the night in Rollins' room bearing his soul to his friend, getting a pep-talk from her and feeling safe and understood and... not alone. And maybe he _had_  tried to make a move on her last night out of loneliness and panic.

The feeling hit him all at once. He was so alone because he didn't think he could talk to anyone about his Barba infatuation. Loneliness gave way to irritation and he jammed his cell in his pocket. He set his jaw and turned back into the small diner. He'd eat his breakfast by himself while he sulked. They had a defendant to extradite after all, and that wasn't going to happen if he was hungry and still a little hungover.

Once the car was gassed up and they had their perp in the backseat, Carisi's irritation had only grown. He could feel Rollins watching him from the passenger seat and he couldn't take it.

"You okay? Cause I can drive," she offered quietly.

"Nah, slept like a baby. How'd you sleep? Cause sometimes, after drinking, I just... I stare at the ceiling. You know?" Bitterness coated every word and he couldn't make himself feel bad for it. Not at that moment. He knew once they got back to New York he'd probably feel like an ass, but right then? He was in a mood and he didn't care who knew it. Because he _had_  stared up at the ceiling all night and it made him jealous.

"You wanna talk about something?" Rollins asked apprehensively.

" _No_ ," Carisi barked back.

He was thankful when the perp in the back seat spoke up. If he could avoid anymore conversation with Rollins for the rest of the trip it would be a blessing. He didn't want to fight with her and ruin their relationship because he was having trouble processing his feelings for their ADA. He gripped the steering wheel tight and watched the road, settling in for what would surely feel like the longest road trip of his life.

* * *

Once they were back in New York, and he and Rollins had come to some sort of an agreement, Carisi felt a bit better. They weren't where they used to be, that would take time, but at least they still had their friendship intact. At some point he could try again to talk to her about what was troubling him, without the beer.

He'd offered to stay late and continue going over their catfishing perp's laptop so that Rollins could leave and spend some time with Jesse. She'd smiled warmly at him and squeezed his shoulder softly in thanks. Just one more confirmation from the woman that they would in fact make it through the awkwardness that was currently gripping their friendship. He smiled back and got to work.

It was later than he'd expected when Carisi found the evidence he was sure would help their court case. He printed everything out in a rush and headed over to Olivia's door, only to remember that she wasn't still at the precinct. No one was.

"Shit," he muttered to himself as he realized what that meant. He was going to have to track Barba down himself and deliver the evidence. He pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts list to call the ADA, when he remembered something. The bar Barba had invited him to a few weeks ago. Where they'd shared some excellent whiskey and talked over legal theories and Carisi had realized then and there that he was falling for the brilliant lawyer.

He swallowed thickly and jammed his phone back in his pocket. There was no doubt that was where he would find Barba after a rough day in court. He stuffed the papers into a folder and headed for the precinct door.

The detective was a little surprised to find Olivia sitting on the bar stool next to Barba at the bar. He took a deep breath, giving himself a mental pep-talk. There was no reason for him to be nervous about approaching Barba and Olivia, he worked with them every day and no one had suspected a thing.

Barba's brows shot up as he caught sight of Carisi coming through the door of the bar. "Hey, what's goin' on?" he asked casually.

Carisi ignored the confused look on Olivia's face as she spun around on her bar stool, seemingly stunned to see her detective at the bar. He opened the folder in his hands and got straight to the point, briefing both the ADA and the lieutenant on what he'd found.

"It establishes a possible revenge motive but not mens rea," Barba explained evenly.

Carisi smiled smugly at him. _Mens Rea_. Throwing legal terms back and forth was the detective's preferred method of flirting with Barba, and he was trying not to blush.

"Yeah, well, toss these in the pot as well," Carisi quipped as he handed over some transcripts of their perp's online postings.

The same smug smile tugged at his lips as he watched Barba scan the documents. When the ADA looked up at him, a small and awestruck smile on his face, Carisi bit down on the inside of his lip. Barba really had no idea how crazy he made him.

Olivia stood from her bar stool and pulled out her cell, clearly back into work mode. Barba turned back to his notes and began jotting things down in a quick scrawl. Carisi smiled to himself.

"You're welcome," he quipped at the ADA.

"Yeah," Barba nodded absently as he continued writing.

Carisi stuck his hands in his coat pockets and made his way to the door. He couldn't hang around waiting for some sort of acknowledgment from the man he was secretly crushing on. Not with his boss within earshot anyway. A walk home would do him good.

* * *

Carisi was genuinely touched when Olivia had insisted he join Rollins and Fin at her apartment for the night. Everyone was so eager to see Noah after all that had happened. He still couldn't believe what that woman had done to Olivia, how calculated she had been. It made him shiver.

A stray lego zipped past his head and brought him back to the moment. He was seated on Olivia's floor at the coffee table, Rollins, Jesse, and Noah across from him. Rollins grabbed Jesse's hand gently and scolded the girl about throwing toys. Carisi laughed and assured his friend he would indeed survive. A knock at the door drew Olivia's attention and she excused herself to answer it.

Carisi focused his attention back on the kids across the coffee table from him. Noah giggled loudly as he and Jesse swapped some toy cars back and forth. He reached across the table and grabbed a handful of legos, excited to build something cool for the kids to play with.

Barba's voice made him freeze.

"Hi, Uncle Rafa!" Noah called excitedly.

Barba beamed and gave the kid an excited 'Hi!' in return.

Carisi tried to hide his goofy smile, but it was difficult. Seeing Barba so happy and being so sweet to Noah was too much for his heart to handle.

"We saw a mommy deer and her baby when we were driving home. They ran right in front of us!" Noah continued on, telling Barba all about his trip home.

"In front of you? That's jaywalking!" Barba chided.

Carisi chuckled silently and put the finishing touches on his lego masterpiece. Barba walked around him and then plopped down on the floor beside him and Carisi held his breath for a moment. The ADA laughed at something Noah said and propped his elbows up on the table, touching Carisi's where they rested against the cool wood of the coffee table. The detective's heart did somersaults in his chest.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from Barba, he was so... excited. It made Carisi want to reach over and pull him into a crushing hug, kiss his cheek and then his forehead and then maybe his lips and then lower them down onto the floor and -- Noah picking up the legos Carisi had put together for him and laughing loudly derailed that train of thought quickly.

The group spent the rest of the night enveloped in a comfortable quiet as everyone played with Jesse and Noah. It was peaceful and nice and Carisi was glad he'd gone. Eventually though, everyone started making their exits, Rollins leaving with Jesse first. When Olivia said she was going to walk Fin and Barba out, Carisi offered to help Noah brush his teeth. He wasn't ready to leave the kid just yet, he'd been so worried about him.

He'd gotten as far as applying the soft pink toothpaste on the small race car toothbrush when Olivia leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom.

"You didn't have to stay, Carisi," she said fondly as she watched him hand Noah his toothbrush.

"Nah, it's no problem! I love spending time with Noah." He grinned at her through the mirror.

Olivia stepped into the bathroom fully and ruffled her son's hair. He made quick work of brushing his teeth and bounded off for his bedroom. "Change into your PJ's and I'll be in in a minute to read you a story, okay?" she called after the boy.

She stared Carisi as he watched her son disappear down the short hallway. "You're very good with him," she grinned.

Carisi ducked his head. "I like kids, what can I say?"

She hummed thoughtfully and patted his upper arm. "It's good to see you more at ease lately."

His head shot up immediately and he looked at her, panic evident across his face. "Everything's been fine, Lieutenant, what are you --"

"Oh come on, Carisi, I've been a cop in New York for over twenty years. I know how to read a person or two. At first I thought there was something going on between you and Rollins but... that's not it, is it?" Olivia gave him an understanding smile.

Carisi took a deep breath. He trusted his lieutenant. "No, it's not me and Rollins. Well, I mean, I kinda maybe made things awkward between us out in West Virginia, but we're working on it. It's... I have... feelings. For someone." He winced as he waited for Olivia's response.

She just nodded slowly and clapped him on the shoulder. "I know. You make eyes at Barba every time he comes to the precinct. I still don't know how he hasn't noticed. Probably because he's too busy trying to hide that fact that he's staring at you when you're not looking."

Carisi's mouth hung open inelegantly. "I, uhm, didn't know you were so _aware_  of the situation."

"Like I said, New York cop for twenty years," Olivia laughed.

Carisi rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Right, right. I guess I, uh, should have realized you'd catch on eventually."

Olivia gave him a knowing smile. "I like to think I know my detectives pretty well. I also think I know Barba pretty well and I know he doesn't plop down on the floor beside just anyone to play with legos."

Carisi felt his cheeks flush. "Nah, come on, he was just excited to see Noah. We all were."

"Carisi, trust me he loves Noah, I know he does, but getting down on the floor to stick plastic bricks together?"

"You really think --"

"Yes, Carisi," Olivia interjected.

Noah called for her from his bedroom, and the two laughed.

"I've gotta get him to bed. I'm glad you could come tonight. And, Carisi, trust me. Barba's just nervous about making a move. Maybe give him some encouragement." Olivia led them out of her bathroom and walked the detective to the door.

The cold night air helped clear Carisi's head as he walked home. He couldn't quite believe what his lieutenant had told him, it all still seemed so surreal. It wasn't the disaster he'd anticipated. He smiled to himself as he thought about Olivia's words. He had plenty of time to think about how to encourage Barba to ask him out.

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to write things from Carisi's perspective and include his trip to West Virginia with Rollins.
> 
> Kudos and Comments make my day


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